#1 Purchase an uplifting book.
Put a resource into their orbit. Stay away from titles such as, Pull Yourself Together, or Get Over It, or Why Are You Still Whining. Let’s hope that last one isn’t available on Amazon.
I recommend You’ll Get Through This, from Max Lucado. It is accessible to many reading levels, and it is loaded with hope.
You can ship the book to their home or purchase the physical copy, inscribing a personal note. Don’t try to estimate how much they like to read. The book might lie on the kitchen counter for days or weeks before the nudge to open it overcomes. Spend a few dollars in friendship. You never know how the Lord might work.
#2 Pass along meaningful Bible verses.
Sift through the hundreds of options; curate a sampling of hope-building, faith-raising, endurance-igniting passages.
Choose a few verses that highlight God’s ability to rescue. Choose a few verses that remind us of God’s faithfulness. And throw in a verse or two about endurance. Sometimes rescue comes after a season of waiting. Sometimes the first part of God’s good plan includes our endurance. That’s just true.
If you need a starting point for helpful verses, there is a list on my website.
#3 Deliver a treat.
Perhaps it’s a slice of cake from their favorite bakery. Maybe it’s the eleven-step Starbucks order you know they love. It might be an appetizer from a local comfort food spot.
Even if your struggling friend lives in another state, delivery apps make this relatively easy. Then again, the treat might be a warming bowl of soup from your kitchen.
If you have the option for an in-person drop-off, look them in the eyes at the doorstep, speaking volumes through the brief phrase, “I’ve been thinking about you today and thought this might be good for your soul.”
If remote delivery is a must, send a text when you get the alert that delivery is complete. Remind them of your support; remind them that they are not alone.
#4 Invite them out for coffee or a meal—with the caveat that talking about troubling circumstances is off-limits.
Community is important in a season of struggle. When we isolate, it is easy to spiral into discouragement, embracing untruths—our circumstances begin to look fatal or sound final.
The kinds of food or drink are irrelevant. Your presence, your attention, your engagement—these will fill them up.
Before you get together, strategize safe topics to discuss, should the conversation lag.
On your way to the meeting, ask God to use you as a blessing. Pray that the experience of your friendship touches and soothes some of their pain.
#5 Speak grace and truth over any inaccurate perspectives.
Troubling circumstances twist our perception of what is really going on, how God really thinks about us.
If they are in a mess of their own making—counter self-loathing with truth about God’s forgiveness and the Believer’s righteousness in Christ. Regretted choices may have consequences, but they never alter God’s love for us. And they never hinder His ability to redeem—to make something beautiful from the broken pieces.
If your friend’s struggle stems from what someone else did—stand with them in the injustice and nurse their wounds. Inspire them to leave vengeance to God. Lead them to choose joy, rejecting the poison of bitterness.
#6 Invite them out for a walk or another activity that allows conversation.
Exercise dissipates stress. I don’t have a chart to show the science, but more than you could ever want is available through a Google search for “exercise and stress.” Enjoy.
A long walk, a round of golf, a set of tennis, ends of curling—any of these will do the trick for generating energy, releasing endorphins, and clearing the head.
Sometimes people share their burdens while they are active, but not required to make eye contact. Time outside together opens the eyes and lungs to fresh air and the beauty of a blue sky. It also opens the heart.
#7 Text two specific prayers that you are praying.
A message that you are praying is genuinely helpful. The next level up is to describe what you are praying—the specifics about how you are going to the Father on their behalf.
Pause to consider what you want God to do for your friend.
Use your text message to help them find the words. Your spelled-out prayers could bring focus to the disorienting throb of pain. Your specific prayers might turn into their daily heart-cry to God.
What else should go on the list?
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